Occasionally, life can be undeniably, impossibly difficult.
We are faced with challenges and events that can seem
overwhelming,lifedestroying to the point where it may
be hard to decide whether to keep going. But you always
have a choice. Jessica Heslop shares her powerful, inspiring
journey from the worst times in her life to the new life
she has created for herself:
In 2012 I had the worst year of my life.
I worked in a finance job that I hated and I lived in a
concrete jungle city with little greenery. I occupied my
time with meaningless relationships and spent copious
quantities of money on superficialities. I was searching
for happiness and had no idea where to find it.
Then I fell ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and
became virtually bed bound. I had to quit my job and
subsequently was left with no income. I lived with my
boyfriend of then only 3 months who financially supported
me and our relationship was put under great pressure.
I eventually regained my physical health, but not long
after that I got a call from my family at home to say
that my father’s cancer had fiercely progressed and that
he had been admitted to a hospice.
I left the city and I went home to be with him.
He died 6 months later.
He was always so strong that, for a minute after he drew
his last breath, I honestly thought he would come back
to life. I couldn’t believe I would never again cuddle
into his big warm chest and feel safe no matter what.
The grief that followed was intense for all of us 5
children and our mother, but we had each other.
But my oldest sister at that time complained of a bad
back. It got so bad after 2 months that she too was
admitted to hospital.
They discovered that she had highly advanced cancer in her
bones and that there was nothing that they could do.
She died 1 month later.
I could never put into words the loss of my sister in my life.
She was a walking, talking angel and my favourite person
in the whole world. If someone could have asked me the
worst thing that could ever happen, it would have been
She was my soul-mate and I never thought I would journey
this lifetime without her.
The Moment Of Deliberate Choice
The shock and extreme heart break brought me to my knees.
The pain was so great and my world just looked desolate.
I had no real home, no money, no job, and no friends
that cared. Not one person had even sent me a sympathy
card for my loss.
I made an attempt of my own life and I ended up in hospital.
I remember lying in the hospital bed, looking up at the
ceiling and seeing my sister’s beautiful face. She stayed
with me all night long.
I realised during that night that I had a choice. I could
choose to end my life or I could choose to live it.
I looked in my sister’s eyes and I made a decision not to
go with her just yet. That I would stay and complete my
I also made the decision that, I wouldn’t just live any
life. I would live the life that I absolutely LOVE and
In that moment, the clarity that descended around me was
like a light shining in a dark room for the first time.
As if the earth’s plates had shifted under my feet and
everything suddenly looked real for the first time.
The Blossoms Of My Newly Chosen Life
Since then I have begun to shape the most beautiful
life for myself.
I now live in an adorable stone cottage in a stunningly
green, luscious region of the UK amongst woodlands and
I have a deeply harmonious, joyful relationship with my
amazing boyfriend, who’s gone through all this with me
and we are very happy together.
I write a blog that inspires others to live the life that
they love. It is what I know I was born to do and it
truly makes my heart sing.
I am making new friends with beautiful souls all around
I practise gratitude for my life every single day and I
feel the abundance in everything I have now.
I spend quality time with the rest of my precious family
and cherish every moment I have with them.
I have written a bucket list and am already manifesting so
much of which I have always dreamed.
I connect with my heart often to ensure that I am always
following my joy.
I love myself more deeply every day.
I live authentically now.
It took something powerfully transformative in my life to
make me wake up. Wake up to some fundamental truths of life.
This life is a gift if you want to accept it. No matter what
the obstacle, you can make your life abundant with joy and
you can live authentically.
Not a day goes by when I don’t miss my father’s huge
character or my beloved sister’s gentle brown eyes, but
I know that I will be with them one day for an eternity.
What I have now is so precious and so fleeting that I must
grasp the joy in every moment I can, and treat it as the
gift that it is.
You choose life every day. But do you choose the life that
you love every day?